My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
