she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
