that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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