My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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