today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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