i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize