We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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