we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize