Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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