I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
only if we run a train.
done.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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