I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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