So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
There's even glitter on my cock...
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