I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
