He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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