ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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