Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
