well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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