Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
