how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
