so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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