just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
bring money and cleavage
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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