so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
