i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
