Got a toothbrush?
Will you blow on my dice?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize