oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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