I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
