why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
