Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
