Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize