just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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