The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
