dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize