I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
