Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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