I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
