Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
