I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He shit in the fireplace
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
