found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Randomize
