he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
