I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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