I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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