By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
