So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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