Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
