You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
