What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
