He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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