you traded sex for a burrito?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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