it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
