I'm so fucking centered right now
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
