dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
