I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
