Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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