cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we're making bets on your personal life
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
