Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
