I wanna bring you to show and tell
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
May the power of my ass compel you!!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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