if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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