I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
