home. puking in laundry basket.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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