farters have to be the big spoon...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
