please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Who died my cat blue again?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
