She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
