she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
