I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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