oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
