My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
