She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Randomize