Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
