I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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