Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
