I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize