I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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