pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
