1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
