He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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