Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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