if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
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