just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
