Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
