Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You need a sexual gate keeper
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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