totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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