i barfeds in our rink
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
